


You & I Just Flow

by Cassie_Madds



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Clubbing, College!Cas, DJ!Cas, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel AU! - Freeform, Drugs, F/F, Heroin, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Multi, Recreational Drug Use, Stripper!Dean, male sex, sam/gabriel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 16:11:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12062505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassie_Madds/pseuds/Cassie_Madds
Summary: When Castiel decides to spend his Friday night out at a club with friends instead of doing their usual campus party where he'd mix up some EDM, things take a turn for the worst. He wakes up the next morning in someone else's dorm room. Fucked up and confused, he tries to make sense of things while his long time girlfriend suffers a not-so-peaceful death from a heroin overdose the night before. He's miserable, angry and tired of people's pity. The only thing that keeps him sane is making music and going to the male strip club every Saturday night to meet his usual guy 'Rock God'. Meanwhile, his career as a DJ on YouTube takes flight when he gets offers from his EDM Idols to mix music together and he finds himself slowly falling in love with the guy he has casual sex with every Saturday.





	1. Not A Typical Friday Night

**Author's Note:**

> This is really crappy summary holy shit, I'm so sorry. XD I don't know how to make this sound any better but like trust me, best idea I've ever had and I haven't read anything like it yet so it's completely original. Hopefully it's good and y'all like it. Constructive criticism is welcome :) Happy reading y'all!!
> 
> -Cassie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel goes to the club with friends and somehow ends up in a dorm room he's never seen before. Kevin and Garth tell him what happened the night before. Life turns to shit so he makes music and goes to a strip club on a Monday night.

Shitty music blasted out of the clubs expensive sound system, the bass low enough to make the floor vibrate harshly under his feet. It was Gabriel's idea to go to the club instead of throwing his usual Friday night campus party, which somewhat annoyed Castiel. Gabriel weaved through the hoards of people crowding the dance floor, Castiel struggling to keep up. Everything was so distracting, the lights, then the lack of lights, the crap music that the so called 'DJ' was playing and the amount of people who kept bumping into him. This wasn't Castiel's scene, he wasn't the guy who actually attended the party to drink or dance. He finally reached the bar where he saw Gabriel sitting with his boyfriend Sam. Castiel didn't know much about Sam other than the fact that the guy was incredibly tall compared to Gabe. A couple of their other friends were hanging around the bar as well. Castiel headed over towards Charlie, Jo and Kevin, who were chatting loudly amongst each other to be heard. Charlie waved once she noticed Castiel heading their way, a smile lit up her face as she pulled him into a hug and yelled something that Castiel didn't quite catch but made Jo laugh. He sighed, he didn't want to be here too long, he had better things to do with his Friday night than get drunk and dance to god awful music all night. "Hey Cas! Wanna dance with me?!" Charlie grabbed Castiel's arm, not giving him a choice as they headed for the dance floor. For a couple minutes Castiel forgot that the music sucked and that the lights were giving him a headache. The night wasn't so bad after all and he ended up staying longer than he intended. Only because Charlie and Gabriel kept handing him drinks. 

He awoke to the sun pouring through a tiny slit in the curtain, enough light to pierce through his closed eyelids and cause him to wince. His head pounded heavily against his skull, body sluggish in the fact that he felt disconnected. Like he couldn't control the movements of his limbs. Castiel slowly opened his eyes, taking in his surroundings cautiously before getting up. This wasn't his dorm, or anyone's that he knew. His eyebrows drew together slightly in confusion and anxiety. Every muscle in his body was painfully sore, it was then that he noticed he was on the floor covered in a large blanket. Must've passed out there or something last night. He looked around, more aware this time and saw a couch to his left. Both Charlie and Jo were passed out together on it, Kevin was awake and talking with Garth quietly in the corner to his right. He was about to get up when someone or something rolled into his side gently, startled he turned his attention to the source of contact. His eyes went wide, "Meg...?" She grumbled beside him quietly as Castiel placed a hand on her shoulder, they had been dating for about a year or so, and he didn't want anything to happen to her. He really hoped that they hadn't had sex on a strangers floor while he was drunk out of his mind. But by the looks of things they might have done something. Hopefully he had protection. Meg's hair was sex messy and she wasn't wearing anything except for her sultry black and red bra and matching panties. Yes, Castiel lifted the blanket to check if she was naked. He shivered at the thought of having sex on the floor, that was so unsanitary. He was almost naked himself. After a couple attempts to wake Meg and failing he decided to look for his clothes. He covered Meg completely, not wanting anyone else to see his girlfriend almost naked. Castiel got a massive head rush trying to stand up, nearly falling over before he regained his balance. He spotted his t-shirt by the couch closest to Charlie and quickly made his way over to grab it. Garth and Kevin had looked up from their corners and chuckled quietly as Castiel pulled it over his head. He looked around again and his jeans were on the window sill. "What the fuck happened last night?" Kevin looked over at Castiel with amusement as the blue eyed man pulled his jeans on with difficulty that only a hangover could cause. "There was a lot of drinking, and I mean a lot. You were wasted man, I've never seen you so drunk." Kevin laughed as Garth chimed in. "Man, it was crazy. You were like, getting all up in that place. For someone who doesn't like to party all that much, you were running the show!" Castiel narrowed his eyebrows at the two. "Running the show...? What's that supposed to mean?" He sat down in front of his two friends and looked at them curiously. Kevin and Garth looked at each other, as if contemplating whether or not they should tell Castiel. "How did you know there would be all those drugs at the club last night man?" Garth started slowly. Castiel's eyes widened. "Drugs?!" Castiel sighed, his anxiety rising by the second as Kevin and Garth glanced at each other. "Heroin, man. Hard core shit." There was a silence between the three of them as Castiel tried to wrap his mind around the facts. A spluttering noise pulled him out of his near panic attack, all three of them looking for the source of the noise. Castiel's eyes instantly landed on Meg, her body convulsing rapidly. Vomit trying to make its way out of her mouth but was immpossible in her position. Castiel scrambled to his feet quickly, tripping as he stumbled towards his girlfriend. He turned her body to the side to let the fluids flow from her mouth. He felt her neck for a pulse, a moment of nothing turned into a minute of nothing. Castiel's eyes went wide in fear, he shook her body gently. Slowly, Meg's body became limp in his arms. Castiel's lower lip trembled in horror, extreme pain and sadness beyond the human vocabulary. "Meg...?" Please let me be dreaming. "Meg?" God, please, God this isn't real. "Meg!" Large tears spilt from his eyes in agonizing pain, he held her lifeless body close to his chest as he cried out in sorrow. This isn't a dream.

He hated it, people asking him if he was okay, if he needed anything. Telling him they were sorry for his loss. He didn't want their pity. He carried the newspaper clipping with him everyday, he couldn't believe she was gone. It was all his fault that she was dead, if he never went to that club and convinced Gabriel to do what he always did on Friday nights. Castiel should've stayed home, Meg should've never went to that club. He thinks about it every night, every waking moment, every chance he gets. This was all his fault. He would never forgive himself, how could he? He loved Meg. Castiel slung his backpack over his shoulder, following the rest of the students out of the classroom when he was stopped by his professor. "Castiel, can we talk quickly?" The look on Professor Singer's face was gentle and kind but his eyes held all the answers that Castiel needed. He wanted to discuss Meg's death and tell him that he could take a couple classes off if he needed to. Castiel didn't deserve to get special treatment for something that he did. He stayed anyways though, just because he was polite and he really liked professor Singer. He sighed as the old man closed the door and came to sit with Castiel in the front row of the lecture booth. "I know you're grieving Castiel, but I'm not a fool. You're pushing all your friends away. What happened to Gabriel, or Charlie, or Jo? Kevin and Garth? What about that kid Alfie?" Castiel chuckled. Professor Singer smiled, before continuing. "You need your friends more now than ever, Castiel. I know you know that. You're a strong kid, you can get through this but you can't do it alone, okay? Promise me you'll take care of yourself." Castiel looked up at the professor, speechless for a second. After a while he nodded and mumbled that he promised to care for himself. 

Castiel pulled his headphones on and opened his laptop, he grabbed his drum pad. Mixing music always helped him think clearly. He placed his hands on the turntables, pulling up a basic beat from his files and started to work with his sounds. He'd done this a million times, he knew the turn table and drum pad like the back of his hand. His inspiration to become a DJ came from people like Armin Van Buuren, Tiesto and Marshmellow. Sound filled his headphones and he closed his eyes, concentrating on the sound and flow of the EDM. He could feel the pain quickly leaving his body as his fingers produced sounds and melodies flowing into his headphones. Castiel fell into a state of trance as he created music, preppy upbeat melodies and jumping bass. He missed doing this every Friday at Gabriel's campus parties, maybe he would ask if he could throw down some beats again for him this week. After all, he did promise professor Singer he'd get back in touch with his friends. He'd been mixing for hours, before every jam session he'd hit the record button so he could upload it to his youtube page later. He was impressed with the amount of subscribers he had already, 1.6 K. He uploaded a mix session every week, sometimes he'd film music videos. Kevin was taking a film class in college and offered to help make dope videos. Castiel's phone rang, pulling him out of his thoughts, it was Gabriel. "Hey man, what's up?" He asked tiredly after he picked up the phone. Gabriel responded a little too happily for Castiel's liking. "Hey Cas! I was wondering if you could come to my party Friday? It really isn't the same without a sick DJ burning up the place. People can only stand the same songs for so long, ya know? Whadaya say?" Castiel smiled to himself before responding excitedly. "Yeah man, I was actually gonna ask you if I could!" Gabriel laughed as Castiel finished his sentence. "Also, you're birthday is coming up soon, so I was thinking, cause you're hella gay, we can go to a male strip club!" Castiel could see Gabriel wiggling his eyebrows as he spoke, which made him laugh. Sure, why not. He needed some naked men in his life right about now anyways. "Sure, sounds good. I'll see you tomorrow okay?" Castiel hung up and got out of his desk chair, it was only Monday and he was already stressed about this weeks homework. Maybe he'd go to the strip club tonight, alone, just for some much needed pleasure and relief. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea.


	2. Misha Returns To The Stage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel goes to the strip club for the evening and meets a guy there. They end up having sex and arrange to meet again on Saturday. Gabriel tries to convince Castiel to come to his party on Friday to play some music. Castiel decides to go to Gabriel's party as Misha to mix music and have a good time after the incident with Meg. Sam decided to bring his brother to the party, influencing Dean to change his routines and start using some of the more upbeat music at the club to dance to. Castiel meets with Dean again on Saturday.

Castiel entered the doors of the strip club, as he expected, the place was nearly empty. Being a Monday night, he figured as much. Sighing, he walked further into the club, glancing at the people who were here. The music wasn't as loud as he expected it to be and it was dimly lit, he guessed it was to create a more sexy atmosphere. He saw a man on the stage, dancing erotically against a pole in a sexy police man costume. Some of the women cheered, he noticed there were a couple guys in the crowd around the stage too. When the guy was finished an announcer called his stage name and the crowd clapped, he then introduced another dancer to the stage. The man known as 'Rock God' came out on to the stage in a hunter/farmer get-up, red and black no sleeved, cropped flannel and denim short shorts. He wore a pair of cowboy boots and had a holster with a fake gun around his hips. The music started and the man danced, Castiel recognized the song as 'Cherry Pie' by Warrant. The man's eyes were a dazzling shade of emerald green and Castiel only noticed them because the man was looking at him almost the entire time. Castiel was standing at the back of the club, away from the crowd of people and as far from the stage as the room allowed. The man smiled at him and winked, making a sign with his hand that could only mean "hit me up". Like a deer in the headlights, Castiel's eyes went wide with confusion and mostly surprise as he pointed to himself. The blonde man on stage smiled widely, genuinely as he looped around the poll gracefully. It was like the rest of the world disappeared and the only thing he could see was the beautiful guy on stage, he hadn't noticed that he was done until the crowd started cheering loudly. Snapping out of his trance, Castiel looked up at the man in time to catch him gesturing ever so subtly to follow him back. Castiel jumped at the opportunity, he was hot and Castiel was horny as hell right now. Hopefully he was getting laid tonight. He was quick to make it to the back of the club, the man was already there waiting for him. "Hey." Since the music wasn't insanely loud, Castiel could hear him. His voice was like a shot of Fireball Whiskey, it burned but it felt so good. "Hi..." Castiel was silently awkward, which made the guy smile that genuine smile again. "You must be new by the way you stood in the back." Castiel felt his hope of getting laid dwindle away, he was just trying to make him comfortable with being here. "Not really, my first time seeing you though." Castiel responded coyly while shoving his hands in his jean pockets. The man smirked, "Yeah, just started here a week ago. I'm Dean, by the way." The man who now had a name to match the face extended his hand out to Castiel. Castiel raised an eyebrow and gave Dean a lopsided smirk. "Castiel." He took Dean's hand and shook it formally. It was hard to take the introduction seriously while Dean was still wearing his stage clothes. "So, you gonna come back with me and let me show you a good time or would you rather just stand there?" Dean was blunt, but cocky and playful. Castiel shook his head and smiled. "Thought you'd never ask."

Dean took Castiel to one of the private back rooms where they would normally bring customers who wanted private shows, their was a bed, a poll and an armchair. A bunch of kinky shit on a shelf and Castiel smirked, it reminded him of Meg. She was a kinky bitch who liked her sex rough and teasing. She really liked it when Castiel dragged it out and made her work for him. He sighed as his eyes followed Dean towards the chair. He pulled out his phone and picked out a playlist, mostly classic rock, and beckoned for Castiel to come sit down. Quickly, he made his way over to the chair, the lights in the room were dim and the music wasn't too loud. Dean started to dance as Castiel sat down, thoughts swirled through Castiel's head. I'd like to see him dance like this to my music. This was some serious Magic Mike shit and Castiel could get used to this kind of attention. He was getting more hard by every passing second, and Dean noticed as the dancing became less dancing and more erotic. Dean grinded against Castiel and ran his hands all over Castiel's body. Castiel leaned his head back, letting a low groan of pleasure escape his lips as he closed his eyes shut. Dean leaned in close to Castiel's ear. "Ready to kick it up a notch?" Another groan escaped his mouth. "God yes." He barely whispered it, it came out as a faint breath, but that was enough for Dean to pull him up and start to undress. Breathlessly, Castiel followed Dean towards the bed and let the older man push him down gently onto it. A moan escaped his lips and Dean smirked, humming to the music as he slowly started to strip Castiel out of his clothes. Dean hummed gently to the Guns N Roses song playing but Castiel was too lost in Dean's movements to care for the music. They were finally unclothed and Dean made the first move as he plunged down into Castiel's neck, nipping the sensitive skin with his teeth and licking the bitten areas tenderly. The man above him reached over and Castiel's eyes followed Dean's strong arm over to the side table. He opened a drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom, smirking as he brought the items on to the bed. Dean made quick work of opening the bottle, squirting a good amount into his hand. He rubbed his fingers into it first and inserted his index fingeer up Castiel's ass slowly, never breaking eye contact with the man underneath him. Castiel moaned, Dean's finger felt so good inside of him. Another finger was inserted and scissored back and forth, creating a wave of pleasure to ripple through Castiel. Dean continued to prep him, placing up to four fingers in his ass. Surprised, Dean whispered, "You do this often?" Castiel nodded, not really sure of what the whole question was implying but if he nodded then maybe that would suffice. Dean pulled his fingers out and rolled the condom on his impressive dick before lubing up and sliding into Castiel slowly. 

A heavy sigh escaped his lips as Dean flopped down onto the bed beside Castiel, a content smile on his face. They laid in comfortable and tired silence for a while until Dean spoke up. "Come again Saturday evening, yeah?" Castiel rolled his head over in Dean's direction and gave him a cocky smile. He agreed, then got up to get dressed. It was late on a Monday night and he had a Psych test tomorrow morning. Castiel grabbed his wallet out of his jean pockets and pulled his clothes on before turning to Dean. "How much?" Dean's eyes widened as his gorgeous, plump pink lips parted ever so slightly. He stumbled over his words, something he usually never did. Dean knew that he should charge Castiel for his service, but for some reason he didn't think it would be right. He shook his head, and Castiel starred him down with his head cocked to the side, a look of confusion on his face. Either way, Castiel reached into his wallet and pulled out a solid 200 dollars cash. "At least take this then if you won't let me write to you a check." Castiel pocketed his wallet again and grabbed his t-shirt and sweater off the floor, pulling them on quickly. He smiled at Dean, thanking him for a good time and walked out of the room without another word. He called up a cab and waited outside the building for it to pull up. A yawn escaped his lips, he's been with men before but the sex had never been anything like he'd just experienced. Dean was absolutely amazing, his whole body just felt so good and relaxed but he would never find anything close to replicating what Dean gave him. The cab pulled up to the curb and Castiel stepped inside, giving the driver his address and looked out the window longingly. A small smile crept onto his face, he needed that. 

The week dragged on from there, but Castiel was anticipating two things this week. Mixing music at Gabriel's party and going back to the strip club on Saturday to see Dean again. It was only Thursday but Castiel didn't have any plans and decided that he would play with his turntables a bit before calling it a night. He pulled up 'Rap God' by Eminem and stripped the vocals from the beat and placed them in his mixer program. Castiel pulled up some beats and played with the turntable for a bit, searching for something to work with the chorus. Honestly, this was an awful idea to mix Slim Shady's songs with his EDM but he was having fun and that's all that mattered at the moment. He continued striping lyrics from songs and placing them into his program to remix. Time flew past and Castiel had passed out on his desk, headphones around his neck and music playing through rather loudly. He awoke to the sun coming up through his window, his phone ringing loudly beside him. Startled, he fell from his desk chair, headphones slipping out of the audio port in his laptop. Castiel scrambled to his feet and grabbed his phone. "Hello?" A female's voice came from the other end, impatient and concerned. "Cas! Where are you? Classes start in ten minutes! You better get here fast!" It was Charlie, Castiel looked around the room for his clock and panicked, he ran to his dresser and grabbed a clean shirt. "On my way!" Hanging up the phone, he quickly tore off the shirt he was wearing, put on deoderant and pulled the new shirt on. Castiel picked up his bag and took his headphones off, running out the door.  
Gabriel crawled into the passenger seat of Castiel's old 1978 Gold Continental Mark V Lincoln, making a comment about his shitty taste in cars. Castiel merely rolled his eyes as he turned the key in the ignition and backed out of the parking lot. "So, are we grabbing my stuff and going right over to your place?" Gabriel nodded as he turned on the radio for the short drive back to Castiel's apartment. He pulled into his parking space, putting the vintage vehicle into park and turning it off. Once they got into his apartment, Castiel emptied his bag onto his bed and packed up his headphones, laptop, drum pad and turntable. Of course, Castiel couldn't forget his face paint kit, a lot of his favorite DJ's wore masks or helmets to cover up their identity. He would paint his face, being creative was a good thing in this situation. Most of the time he painted it to look like a brightly colored animal. Only Gabriel and Meg knew about Castiel's hobby to mix music and Charlie was close to finding out but not exactly there yet. Castiel changed out of his school clothes and into something more comfortable for Gabriel's party. He locked the door and then they were on their way to Gabe's place for the party. Gabriel opened the door to his place, Castiel knew exactly where he needed to go so he left Gabriel to attend to his ringing phone. He knew the party wouldn't start until later but he decided to set his stuff up anyways.  
"Hey! Sam and his brother are gonna come tonight! They'll be a little early, Sam wants to stay for dinner." Castiel just nodded, Gabriel knew how Cas felt about these kinds of events and that he would stay out of their way until the party started. Gabe also knew that Castiel didn't want other people to know that he made music and went to weekend parties. It didn't look great on his reputation as the "Try-Hard" student on campus. Castiel waltzed into the bathroom with the face paint kit and his brushes. He looked in the mirror and started to paint the base colors of today's look. Green fading into blue fading into purple, soft pastels of course. He didn't want the base to blend in with the fine details. He painted around his eyes with a white and metallic silver, almost in a cat eye shape. His nose was painted black and painted asymmetrical black stripes on either side of his face and forehead. Blending the lines into his face so they weren't so harsh. he also used a faint grey. He painted the corners of his mouth upwards with black paint, to look like a tigers. When he was satisfied with the finished look he grabbed his setting spray and set the paint into his face with a couple squirts of the liquid. Castiel grabbed his flat cap and put it on, walking back out into Gabriel's kitchen. Lucky for him, he was walking in just as Sam sat down at the island counter. He sighed gently and sat beside Gabriel, Sam giving him funny looks but not quite sure as to who he was. Castiel smiled at him, and Gabriel looked over. "Sam, this is Misha, an old friend of mine. He usually mixes all the sick music at my parties." Castiel gave Sam a peace sign with his fingers and smiled. Sam seem impressed and tried asking him a question before Gabriel distracted him with something else.  
Others finally started to show up and Gabriel gave him the go, Castiel made his way back to his set-up and started up some music. Nothing to fancy yet, people had just started coming in, Gabriel's guy who worked the bar was already pouring drinks. It was weird, Gabriel pretty much had a whole club in his house. People paid admission to get in and paid for drinks at the bar. Castiel usually got paid as well, Gabriel knew he hated parties. "Oh my GOD, Gabriel! You got Misha back!" Charlie had yelled over Castiel's music, she was ecstatic. Castiel knew that some people came to these parties for the music and not just to flirt with attractive people and get laid afterwards. Most of his youtube following came from the people who came to these parties. As the night progressed, the music got louder and more intense. Gabriel would bring Castiel drinks to keep him happy for the most part and would sing sometimes to the songs Castiel played. People would scream and shout, clapping and wanting more. Castiel missed this, mixing his music live and having people enjoy it. "I like us better when we're WWAAAAAASSSSSTTTTTEEEEDDDD!" Gabriel sang along to Castiel's mix of Tiesto's Wasted, and he laughed.

Castiel smiled to himself, he actually made a conscious effort to look good tonight before he went out to go see Dean. He took a cab again, not wanting his car to be seen outside of the strip club. He grabbed a drink once he got inside and waited for Dean to come onto the stage. A couple acts were shown before it was the Rock God's turn to woe the crowd of girls and guys surrounding the stage. Castiel stayed in the back again, like he did earlier that week. His hood halfway on his head and a beer in his hand. He watched in amazement as Dean flaunted about the stage, a different song and routine this time around. He also wasn't wearing that cowboy outfit either, something along the lines of glitter and painted whore. Castiel was digging it either way. When he was finished, Castiel met him by the back hallway. Dean kept his voice low as he beckoned Castiel to follow him quickly. It was busy on Saturday evenings and Dean didn't want to attract any unnecessary attention. They slipped into the same room they were in on Monday, Dean locking the door behind them. He turned to look at Castiel and smiled. "Man, I was thinking of changing up my routines. I heard this super awesome music at this house party my brother brought me to last night and I don't usually listen to the style of music that was playing but it was amazing!" Dean scrunched his eyebrows up for a moment, as if thinking hard about something. "I think the style was called EDM...?" Castiel smiled, he didn't want to be too obvious but HOLY SHIT! Dean liked his style of music! They didn't waste any time after that, getting into the bed and getting down to business. This was total ecstasy and Castiel didn't ever want off this high.


	3. Cat's Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam invites Castiel over for dinner on a sunday to meet his brother, Dean uses one of his songs for a routine and Castiel finds out that Dean is actually Sam's brother.

Every Saturday has been the same for the past two and a half months for Castiel, the only thing that's changed is that Dean gets off work early so they can head back to either his house or Castiel's to have sex. Casual sex with Dean was the best thing that's happened to Castiel, no strings attached and no commitments. They didn't have to worry about seeing each other outside of either ones house or Dean's work on any other day of the week other than Sunday mornings. Castiel got a couple hours to kill just being wasted or high with Dean, some time to get away from the stress of college and work. He got to relive some sexual tension and he got some time to just be stupid. The only problem was that last night, Castiel gave Dean his number because Dean said he really wanted it and Castiel was too drunk to think about the consequences of the action. It was about 10 o'clock, Castiel had been doing homework since he got back from Dean's this morning and hadn't finished until he got the text. "From Rock God" It starred up at him, taunting him. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? Castiel thought that them talking was exclusively a Saturday night, Sunday morning thing. He had finally opened the text at 10:30 pm, it was harmless but still. "Hey Cas," was the first thing that got him before he read the rest. "Was thinking that maybe we could get together more often? Would really like to see you outside of sex." Castiel looked in almost horror at the winky face Dean inserted afterwards. Okay, maybe it wasn't horror but it was, SOMETHING. Castiel didn't know what to think, he didn't even know if he LIKED Dean, let alone enough to hang out with him during the week. He ended up saying sure anyways and didn't bother looking at Dean's reply until the next morning.

Castiel sat with Sam and Gabriel at lunch, listening to whatever bullshit they were going on about. "What are you talking about? The Shining is way better than Annabelle!" Sam had piped up, throwing his opinion out there to override Gabriel's. They both looked over to Cas, expecting him to pick one. He just shrugged, Castiel couldn't honestly agree with either of them, but he had to admit that both movies were very good. "You're useless!" Gabriel smirked as he punched Castiel's shoulder from across the table. Sam laughed and proceeded to speak again, with enthusiasm. "Hey! So my brother is coming for dinner this Sunday night and I was wondering if you'd both want to come?" Castiel shrugged, wouldn't hurt him to go have dinner with his friends and meet his best friend's boyfriend's brother. He had a feeling that he'd be a third wheel but it got him out of the apartment at least. "Sure, what time and where?" Sam smiled. "My apartment, let's say, 5:30. My brother won't be around until 6ish though. Is that okay?" Castiel nodded, placing his garbage on the tray and saying goodbye to his friends. He had a class to get to.

The week was long, school work, his job, the countless texts from Dean. He ignored everyone of them. Castiel still didn't know how to feel about this whole meet outside of business thing. He decided to ignore it, besides he was at Gabriel's getting ready for their usual Friday night party. People trickled in through the doors as Castiel played with sounds on his turntable, sighing he started up some music. Thoughts ran through his head, did he want to see Dean tomorrow? Yeah, he did, but he didn't want to see him more than he had too. He didn't want to get too attached to the older man in any way, shape or form. The night went like this, his thoughts overwhelming him and at some point he stopped mixing music and put on a recording he made last week.

He found himself at the strip club on Saturday night, waiting for Dean to get on the stage. He had drank a lot more than he would have usually drank before seeing Dean perform. Castiel could already feel himself slipping out of soberness and into drunk territory. Dean finally came onto the stage but something was different about this routine. The music, his outfit. Was Dean using EDM? Castiel listened closely as the music picked up, he was. It wasn't just any song though, it was "I'm To Blame", his song! Castiel remembered when he mixed that song, he got Meg to do vocals for him. His routine wasn't too long but he executed it perfectly to the beats and melodies of the song. Castiel kept his head down, he was glad he was at the back of the club where the crowd of people couldn't see his tears. "It was everything we went through, the downfall of us." Thoughts of Meg flooded his mind, the lyrics of the song applied so well to the events of Meg's death. "All of it, I'm to blame. It's all my fault, the guilt, the shame." It was his fault she was dead, he did this to her and now she was gone. "Living without you, there's too much pain. I'm the one, who fell apart." How could he live with himself? He was pulled out of his thoughts by a hand landing on his shoulder. His head jerked up as he gasped with surprise. Dean, his green eyes filled with concern. He handed Castiel his jacket and led him out of the club to get some air. "Hey man, what's going on...?"Dean treaded lightly, they didn't share any personal information and he was pretty sure Castiel wanted to keep it that way. Castiel only shook his head, wiping away the remaining tears before speaking softly. "The song... The song you used." He sniffled gently. "It just reminded me of someone... someone I lost a while back." Castiel sighed, lifting his head slightly to look at Dean. The older man nodded, he wanted to say something but he felt that Castiel wouldn't appreciate it. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him into a hug. They ended up going back to Castiel's place that night and watched a movie. Dean held Castiel close as the younger man munched on some chocolate they had stopped to pick up on their way. Nothing that chocolate couldn't fix, Dean always said. It made Castiel laugh and that was something at least. Castiel grabbed the remote and turned on Netflix, asking Dean what movie he'd want to watch. He ended up falling asleep in Dean's arms that night.

In the morning Castiel knew the answer to his never ending thoughts. He wanted to be with Dean, he liked him enough for him to stay. Dean left at 1 in the afternoon, saying he needed to be somewhere this evening and some things he had to do. Castiel nodded and kissed him goodbye, something they didn't normally do. Dean smiled and ruffled Castiel's hair before walking out the door. Castiel lazed about until he had to start getting ready for dinner at Sam's. He showered, picking out a light blue dress shirt and blue jeans afterwards to change into. Castiel stopped at the convenience store before heading over to Sam's place. He picked up a case of beer, then was on his way. Gabriel was already there, big surprise. Sam smiled when he opened the door, taking the beer from Cas and thanking him. He led Cas inside and sat down in the living room beside Gabe. They chatted for a while until the doorbell rang. Sam was quick to get up, almost running to the door to answer it. Castiel and Gabriel both looked towards the door as Sam opened it. Castiel's eyes nearly popped out of his head as they landed on the man in the doorway. Dean hadn't noticed him yet as he stepped inside and greeted his brother with a short hug. "I hope you don't mind that I invited friends for dinner as well." Sam gestured to Castiel and Gabriel sitting in the living room. The look on Dean's face, without a doubt, matched Castiel's as they starred at each other. Sam and Gabriel both noticed this however and Sam was the first to comment. "You two know each other...?" Dean didn't take his eyes off Castiel as he tilted his head to the side to answer Sam. "You could... Say that." They really didn't know anything about each other other than first names and where they both lived. Castiel glanced away as Sam looked over to him. A tension filled the room and Castiel suddenly spoke. "Dean, can I talk to you for a minute." Dean gulped down air as he tugged at the collar of his shirt, Castiel grabbed his wrist and led him down the hall into the spare bedroom. Sam watched with confusion and amusement as Gabriel laughed. They only heard parts of Gabriel's comments as they shut door behind them. "Why didn't you tell me Sam was your brother?" Castiel hissed in a low whisper. "We agreed not to tell each other personal information!" Dean whispered back, more surprised than angry. Castiel paced back and forth through the room. "What do we tell them? 'I've been sleeping with your brother for almost three months and didn't know he was your brother.' That won't go over well!" Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know, man. I mean, I guess we could make something up?" Castiel looked over at Dean with a face that could only mean 'Are You Serious?' "Dean, as of this morning we have clarified that we're dating. We can't just make up something! They'll find out sooner or later if we plan to hang around with each other more often!" Dean was quick to respond. "Okay, well, then we don't have to tell them the whole truth, right? We can say we met somewhere and exchanged numbers. We've been hanging out for a while now and then tell them we're dating at a later time! Right?" Castiel mulled it over, but Sam and Gabe knew him too well and he was an awful liar. There was also a chance that they were on the other side of the door eavesdropping on them as well. "Okay fine, but I'm a horrible liar so if this all goes South I'm blaming you, Dean Winchester!" Dean chuckled at the sound of his name coming out of Castiel's mouth, it sounded good coming from him, even if he was slightly pissed. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and kissed him tenderly. "It'll be fine, babe. Just leave it to me." Castiel sighed and they detached from each other before opening the door and walking out. Gabriel was the first one to turn his head. "That was an awfully long conversation you two, hiding something that shouldn't be hidden?" Castiel glanced away, he wasn't good with confrontations. Dean smiled, "Nah," but before Dean could finish his sentence Sam chimed in. "I heard you two," A smirk lingered on Sam's lips. "Castiel over here isn't the Noble Prized student after all, going to the strip club where Dean works to have sex with him." Castiel's cheeks became a bright shade of crimson and Dean clicked his tongue. "Cat's out." Dean laughed. "It's not just a sex thing though, I really like Cas. He comes to hang out with me after work and if sex is involved than so be it." Dean made it sound like they had been dating for a while, at least it wasn't completely a lie. Sam laughed, "I hope you met him someplace decent at least." Castiel laughed at that then looked over at Dean with a smile. "I met Cas at the grocery store by chance, his car had attracted me." Sam laughed so hard at that comment. "REALLY?! Castiel's car attracted you?" Dean nodded. "Yeah, it's a fucking gold shitty Lincoln." Castiel slapped Dean's arm and Dean smirked. "Sorry babe, but It's true."


	4. Get Back Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel gets high and hallucinates about Meg, he forgets that he had plans with Dean that night. They end up watching a movie at Castiel's instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short, I just didn't want to add more because of the events of this chapter already. Enjoy! Next chapter will be longer.

Feelings of Meg came flooding back into his mind as he went through his old photos and songs, her voice and smiling face. Damn, he missed her. He was going to marry her, he was sure of it, he already had the ring. Castiel's throat went dry as his eyes watered. He was quick to pull out his pack of cigarettes and quickly light one as he rolled the engagement ring between his nimble fingers. Large, wet tears streamed down his cheeks as he took a long drag of his cigarette. Maybe he could ask Gabriel to go pick him up some whiskey, he already had enough weed to last him the rest of the night. He quickly sent Gabriel a text, 'Need booze, mind picking up? Will leave 20 at the door.' It didn't take long for Gabriel to respond with a quick 'sure' and Castiel didn't bother to reply. He took another drag as he looked at the diamond, she had always wanted a large diamond. He remembered her calling it a "Big rock that glitters on my hand" and he chuckled sadly. Meg would never be able to wear it, he would never be able to give it to her. The ring that was perfect for Meg, like it was made just for her. A heavy sigh escaped Castiel's lips, the tears continued to fall and nothing could stop them now. He felt completely blind without Meg by his side, without her here to hold him, to tell him everything would be fine. He lifted his head to the ceiling and bit his lip, crying out gently.  
"Meg... Meg, If you're out there, just... I want you to know that..."  
His breathe got caught in his throat as he started to choke up, another drag of his cigarette before he stubbed it out in the ash tray and lit another. Castiel let out a shallow breath and placed the drug between his lips, taking a long hit and letting the smoke swirl around him before finishing his sentence.  
"I need you to know that I'm sorry, that it's my fault that you're... Gone..." 

Half an hour passed and Castiel was drunk out of his mind and as high as he could possibly get. Laying on the floor in a heap. His bong packed again and ready for him to take another hit. He wished he had something stronger than weed, but he didn't and he was broke. The music playing on his phone reminded him of Meg, some classic rock. He pictured Meg leaning against the wall in her leather jacket, that shit eating grin on her face that meant she knew he had hit rock bottom. Castiel could hear her voice in his head, he saw her imaginary lips moving.  
"Awe, is the baby gonna cry?"  
He flipped the bird to the wall, rolled his eyes and turned his head away from her. Somewhere in his mind he knew Meg wasn't there but it was easier to pretend that she was. Her voice rang through the room again.  
"What we do when we fall? Mmm, Clarence? What do we do?"  
Castiel sighed as he turned his head towards her again. She was smiling softly but she still looked smug.  
"We get back up again..."  
He answered weakly and she snapped her fingers with wide eyes and a smile.  
"Exactly! And why do we get back up?"  
He rolled his head upwards and responded.  
"Because we're the kids who know what's up. We're the kids who are worth it. We get up because we'd be stupid not to."  
She moved from the wall and Castiel could almost feel her hand caressing his cheek softy as she gently spoke her next words.  
"Exactly. You can't give up, Clarence. You're almost there. This will all be be over soon, I promise."  
Castiel turned to see her soft smile, her beautiful brown eyes and long brown hair draping over her shoulder. God, she was beautiful, what he wouldn't do to have sex with her one more time. A needy sigh escaped his lips but the fantasy was interrupted by his phone ringing annoyingly to the tune of 'Spider-Man'. He felt tears rolling down his eyes as he watched Meg disappear before his eyes, right she was gone. He rolled over on to his side to look for his phone, everything was so fuzzy right now. Castiel briefly wondered where he was before he remembered. Meg's apartment, now his apartment. More tears. He stumbled into the side table as he reached for his phone, nearly knocking it over. It started to ring again once he actually grabbed it and reading the caller ID proved to be harder than it should be. All the letters blended together into one big white blob and the picture on the screen looked more like a Salvador Dali reject than anything. He closed his eyes shut as he answered the phone.  
"Hello...?"  
His voice was shaky and hoarse, but Castiel didn't expect it to be perfect. A voice that he didn't recognize sounded on the line and he was about to ask who it was calling him. Maybe it was Balthazar? Or his brother Michael?  
"Hey Cas, I thought you might've been busy. I texted you a couple times, tried phoning too. Turn your phone off or something? Remember we had plans tonight?"  
Maybe it was a wrong number, but then how would they know his name? So maybe not. Who was this?  
"Cas?"  
Sam?  
"Cas...?"  
Kevin, maybe?  
"Castiel?"  
Garth? Unlikely but you never know.  
"Cas!"  
The voice yelling on the other end made him jump slightly, wincing at the noise.  
"woah dude, chill out, you're so loud!"  
Castiel slurred drunkenly. A sigh came from the other end.  
"Do you even know who you're talking to right now?"  
Castiel answered flatly, 'nope' and the voice sighed again but this time in worry.  
"It's Dean. You're boyfriend." 

There was a knock on the door and Castiel stumbled towards it, a half empty bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hand. He fumbled with the door nob, cursing when the door didn't open because he hadn't realized it was locked from the inside. Castiel placed the bottle down and turned the lock, he didn't have time to open the door however before Dean opened it from the outside, impatiently. Castiel jumped out of the way to make room for the door to swing open, letting Dean saunter inside. Castiel closed the door behind him and smiled lazily as Dean looked a little disappointed. He quickly shook it off though when he noticed how wrecked Castiel looked. Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and led him to the couch.  
"You know what? Screw our plans, I think a movie sounds good too. How about I get us some snacks while you pick one out?"  
That seemed to be good enough for Castiel, so it was good enough for Dean. He sighed as the blue eyed man sat down in front of the movie cabinet, deciding between Indiana Jones, Star Wars or Guardians of the Galaxy. A smile quickly appeared on his face though as he turned towards the kitchen to grab some popcorn. They ended up watching Guardians of the Galaxy and Castiel ate most of the popcorn. Not even halfway through the movie and Castiel was asleep in Dean's lap.


End file.
